Crying Out Silent by Marita A. Hansen #Review #Bullying #Teenagers #LGBT

Melissa reviews Crying Out Silent by Marita A. Hansen, Published June 27th 2018 by Marita A. Hansen, 361 pages.

Two high school students make an unlikely alliance – one their friends must break before death does.

The day I met Ash Rata was the first day I started dying, not because of Ash, but because of one of his friends. Ant Torres made me suffer, tormenting me because he thought I was a pretty boy. I am a boy, yet I’m also a girl. Neither one nor the other, but both.


While Ant was a closeted gay rugby player who used violence to get what he wanted.


But I didn’t want him – I wanted the unattainable.


The beautiful boy who was hiding a secret as big as mine, one that would unite us… until death do us part.

A complimentary copy was provided in exchange for an honest review.

Why I read this: The cover really caught my attention, and then the blurb sparked my interest.  I decided to take a chance on this new to me author.

*Warning* This book ends on a cliffhanger and contains physical and emotional violence including extreme bullying, rape, murder, multiple attempted suicides (some on page), mental illness, and a lot of inner turmoil.

I knew going in that this wasn’t going to be an easy read because there were warnings of the extreme content. I wasn’t prepared for how many of the characters would be involved in this torment or how selfish, clueless and violent these kids would be. I enjoyed this story as much as I could considering the content, but when I reached about the 60% mark, the story really started to go into implausible land.

Llewellyn is a boy and a girl, born with breasts as well as a micro penis, and suffers from cramps but of course can’t bleed or have a full period. Llewellyn considers himself a boy, but sometime wishes he could dress as a girl. He likes seeing pretty people and often stares at them. This coupled with the fact that Llewellyn is small (like a girl), with long hair, he draws a lot of attention on himself, and from possibly the worst person – Ant. Ant is seriously a demented person who has some sort of mental illness simply based on how his character deteriorates thru the story.

I didn’t particularly like any of these characters because they were all weak. That isn’t a criticism about the writing quality, the opposite actually. The characters were fleshed out, and we actually get alternating points of view from more than the MCs, which was certainly eye opening. The characters are all teenagers, hormonal and selfish and clueless about life in general. They are also vicious to each other, the boys always getting into fights, the girls being petty and jealous and actually doing physical harm to another. It’s scary what these kids were capable of. I called them weak because nobody asked for help, or sought out someone with real brains who could help them find the best path.

So much of what happened to these kids is unbelievable which is why I gave it 3 stars/6 pots. Could all of these things happen to a group a kids? If you watch the news, it’s probably not as farfetched as one would hope. But when writing fiction, one must be careful about how much crap is piled on to the characters before the story breaks. The story didn’t go at all how I expected based on the first half. A lot of the actions that transpired came out of nowhere for me and I read every word on the page because I didn’t want to miss anything.

I am trying not to give away too much of the story because I don’t want to ruin anything. You should be warned that this ends on a cliffhanger in the epilogue. I wasn’t expecting that wish the blurb had made this known; I might night have read this. It is not a happy for now ending, it’s not a calm before the storm ending – it’s a legit there is a knock on the door, we see who it is, and that’s the end, story to be continued in Ashes to Ashes. This ending also contributed to the 3 stars/6 pots.

Do I recommend this? It honestly depends on the person. I think some people will like it, and for some it will be too much and they will quit or not even start it. Am I sorry I read it? That’s hard to answer because it really made me think deep down about the type of people living in this world. This book really will bring out emotions in you. I guess I am not sorry I read it, but knowing what I know now, I would not have read it, if that makes sense.

3 stars/6 pots, and there are some minor editing issues.

Where to buy: Amazon


NATIONALITY: I am a New Zealander with Croatian heritage.

SPORTS: As a teenager my favourite sports were karate, badmington, and running. I also did unarmed combat and played in a touch rugby team (my gym teacher made me do the last one!) As an adult, I’ve couched soccer and have completed two marathons, numerous half-marathons and one 30K run. Though, I have been slack of late, so I’m dedicating 2018 to getting back into shape!

CAREER PATH: I started off as a Graphic Designer, then went to Auckland University, where I got a BA degree in Art History and Italian Studies and a post-graduate Honours degree in Art History. I worked in the Art History field, then became a full-time artist, doing commissions. I eventually lost all of my senses and gave it up to be a writer 🙂

FAVOURITE FOODS: I’m vegan, just not the type to tell you what to eat. That’s your business, not mine. I love Japanese and Croatian cuisine, as well a golden queen peaches. Not all peaches are equal 😉

BAD HABITS: I’m a major procrastinator, I stay up way too late writing, and I get distracted far too easily unless it’s doing something I love. My mind never stops running, can’t turn the ADHD off.

STATUS: Married to my high school sweetheart (which he hates me calling him). We have two kids.

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